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Puppy's Kennel
Twitter commentary by Jim Beaver.

The totally awesome Jim Beaver, AKA Bobby Singer from Supernatural, AKA jumblejim from twitter, kept many twitter fans amused this past Friday and Saturday (Saturday and Sunday for us Aussies) with a running twitter commentary of the Tarzan discs he was watching. These tweets are collected here for those of you that missed out. And probably for some of you that enjoyed it all, as well.

The tweets are presented exactly as Jim sent them from his mobile web. No editing will take place, but personnal tweets are not included. Each tweet will be copied and pasted, made bold and have one line between tweets. The two links were also sent by Jim. They are photos from Tarzan The Tiger. And before anyone gets all worried, YES, I did ask Jim's permission to post these on LJ! This was his reply:

Sure, if that's your idea of a good time.

So, here we go!

Sitting in my trailer, watching Boris Karloff in a silent Tarzan movie: that's how this actor prepares!

Best silent film title tonite: "Esteban's men have murdered one of Tarzan's favorite apes."

Now one of the apes is burying the dead one, w/glances off camera at the trainer and his whip, no doubt.

Trying to figure this out: black tribesmen, Latino chief, semitic sub-chiefs, and white witch doctor. Hmmm.

Tarzan's got boxer tan lines.

Oh no! No more shots from the back! Tarzan's got a loincloth wedgie!

9000 black warriors but the witch doctor's ladies in waiting are all white.

Jane's thighs are bigger than Tarzan's

But Tarzan has bigger boobs.

Boris is stealing the jewels. He needs a Big Mac--his ribs are showing.

The lion ate the bad guy? OFF-SCREEN? Tarzan didn't do anything? Well, maybe he was tired from holding his gut in.

Man-crush? Me? Not hardly. This Tarzan looks like my high-school principal....Mrs. Gordon

OK, that one's over. Starting a 4 1/2- hour serial: Tarzan the Tiger. (Though there are no tigers in Africa)

Oooh! The High Priestess La is almost as hot as she always seemed in the books.

OK, this Tarzan looks like Tarzan: cut, six-pack...but his yell sounds like a cat being strangled and he's WEARING SHOES! Say it ain't so!

Dinner break. Yes!

a break of just over half an hour.

Back from chow: Tarzan killed a lion and did his strangled cat yell. A tiger (!) got scared and ran away.

An elephant trumpets and it sounds like an old car hrn.


Tarzan's shoes look like bunny slippers.

Big problem when the movie's slave girls are 100 times hotter than the leading lady.

"The wrath of the Flaming God is upon us!" Translation: There's a windstorm.

Trouble making fun of this one. Aside from Tarz's bunny boots, it's pretty good

I love the Tarzan books and a few of the movies. I'd never seen these two before.

Chapter 3 of "Tarzan the Tiger" (1929)--filmed silent but music and sound FX added.

uh-oh, Tarz has amnesia!

Oh, that's why High Priestess La and her slave girls are white...they're survivors of Atlantis. Now it all makes sense!

Oh, no, a guy in a gorilla suit is trying to eat Tarzan. They're fighting...or dancing, can't tell.


Oh no! Tarzan fell asleep and the gorilla carried him off. But wait, no it's Jane. Hard to tell 'em apart.

Tarz killed the monkey! Time for the kitten yell. But no, Tarz doesn't recognize Jane! "Is it some jungle madness?"

Oh no! Jane and forgetful Tarzan have been captured by extras!

meanwhile, back at Universal City...I mean the bad guys' hideout...bad blood between the bad guys.

La is really hot....and she's got jewels stuck to her cocoanut bra

Chapter 5: "Condemned to Death" Oooo! Gonna have to go work in a few minutes, though.

Uh-oh, a guy in a nice sheet and towel ensemble is stabbing Jane in her bed! Oh, it's just pillows. Whew

Tarzan's so mad he broke a stick! He's kitten yelling again! He's watching two guys in sheets fight. who they?

he broke two more sticks! He really is mad! Wow! He broke a tree!

One bad guy dead. Fortunately this African town has an ample supply.

They're gonna sell Jane into slavery! And Tarzan just scared another tiger with the kitten yell.

The bad guy in the sheet and towel will save Jane if she'll do something...kiss him, I think.

Bang! The sheet guy is dead. That's 2 dead, both by the other bad guy. Tarz ain't done squat.

Taking a break for work!

There was a pause of nearly 4 hours, while Jim was filming Supernatural.

OK, I'm back. Jane's trying to cure Tarzan of amnesia by telling stories about his monkey mommy. No avail.

Werper the bad guy is trying to abduct Jane. He's lying to her, the blackguard!

Tarzan seems very rested after sleeping all night in a tree. They ARE comfortable, aren't they?

Oh no, Jane's being sold into slavery! And in that dress!

The other slave girls have these adorable tiny cotton outfits. I've seen more cotton in an aspirin bottle.

Tarzan comes to the rescue, riding an elephant and kitten yelling!

Too late! A guy in a beach towel bought her!

Oh man! Kitten yelling and elephant car horn in unison! The terror! The cacophony!

Beac towel & Jane on a galloping camel (2 humps), chased by Tarz on a galloping elephant!

Now bad guys chasing Tarz on galloping horses! With galloping lions chasing them!

Tarzan caught Beach Towel and killed him and kitten yelled. He still doesn't know Jane.

Tarz and Jane hiding in lion's den. Not smart, monkey man!

Tarz is starting to remember stuff. But still not Jane. Why don't they notice lions on other side of cave?

Halfway through. gotta change disks.

Chapter 8. The Loop of Death!

Those devilish lions are waving little pairs of lights around in the dark to look like their eyes! Or maybe the prop guy.

Werper tries to shoot Jane but hits the lion instead. Tarz & Jane escape, go for an elephant ride.

It's a serial. 266 minutes.

Morning. Both Jane & the elephant are stretching like Scarlett O'Hara. Hmm.

Now Jane's swimming nekkid. Well. Tarz hasn't forgotten EVERYthing.

Tarz found a rifle and didn't like it so he broke it.

"How will we ever make it safely back to the cabin?" Cut to them arriving safely at the cabin.

FYI: This chapter 8 of the silent(-ish) serial Tarzan the Tiger (1929).

Uh-oh! Bad guys threw a rope around monkey boy. Tarz is caught!

Tarz just pretended to be caught! He's throwing bad guys around like puppies!

This movie seems equal parts action & Jane asking, "But don't you remember?"

about two hours left. I won't finish it before I have to go home. Just waiting for an actress to wrap so we can ride back together.

Oh, that's cheating. A long repeat of scenes from chapter 1. But there's La, the hot priestess of Opar.

Actually she's got a face like a greyhound. But she's built like a brick treehouse!

Off they go again to revisit places Tarzan knew in hopes of jogging his memory.

Let him get a load of La dancing in hotpants. That ought to jog something!

A tiger chased Werper into La's temple. They're joining forces!

Tarzan picked up a giant fallen tree so they wouldn't have to go two steps around it.

Tarz: "Look, a baby deer! Let's kill it. I'm hungry."

Jane: "No, Tarzan must protect innocent life! Look, Tarzan! A lion! Kill it!"

Oh, thank God, the lion ate the baby deer instead! Tarz and Jane got away!

This guy's muscles have muscles. But I prefer La.

Tarzan's kitten-yelling to tell the jungle animals to guard Jane while he runs an errand. But it's the same kitten yell for when he's mad.

Uh oh! La caught Jane while Tarzan was telling his animal pals to guard her. Nice timing.

La's pretending to be Jane. Tarzan can tell the difference. For 1 thing, Jane's not wearing a jewelly cocoanut bra.

Oh, good. A gorilla's untying Jane.

No! The gorilla kidnapped Jane.

Chapter 11: The Jaws of Death

Oh, it wasn't just any gorilla, it was Chulk, King of the Ape People. How was I suuposed to know that?

Good, a monkey pal of tarzan's is following Jane and the Ape King.

La threw Tarz into a pit of pointy sticks...'cause she loves him!

The monkey's telling Tantor the elephant to go rescue Tarzan. Now the monkey's telling Tarz where Jane is!

Tarzan's wrestling the gorilla. the gorilla's costume is getting filthy.

Chulk is now the former King of the Ape People. The monkey's embarrassed because T&J are hugging.

Tarz found a dead animal to eat, but now he's got other plans. Ah, to distract crocodiles with! Clever.

Tarz went to see who's following, but the followers have trapped Jane. It's them or the crocodiles. She fell in!

Gotta go. More later!

A short tweet almost two hours later.

Home from filming. It's after 4 a.m. I'll try to wrap up Tarzan the Tiger after a night's sleep. Look at it this way. It's a serial!

Commentary resumes around fifteen hours later.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, Tarzan the Tiger, Chapter 12: The Jewels of Opar!

Less than half an hour before I meet my dinner companion, but time for a chapter or so.

As you may recall, Jane fell in the crocodile pit. Snack time for crocos, it looks like!

She's stuck up to her cleavage in bouillabaisse. But Tarz dives in. Hey, real crocs w/them!

Well, okay, the one Tarz is wrestling acts more like a suitcase than a wild animal.

I think somebody slipped that croco a Mickey Finn. Big fight, considering the croc don't move its arms!

Yea! Tarzan killed the suitcase. No mention of the other 15 crocos in the cliffhanger. Smoke break, maybe?

Cut to England. Whut?

Computer problem. Gotta go. More later. BUT....

Here's hot La: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/02/Tarzan_the-Tiger_Kithnou3.JPG/180px-Tarzan_the-Tiger_Kithnou3.JPG

A break of around four and a half hours.

Back for the final chapters of Tarzan the Tiger! Block me now or forever hold your peace!

Why the sudden cut to England? 'Cuz Tarz's cousin is there & in league w/bad guy Werper! Who coulda foreseen it!

You can tell Werper & the cousin are bad guys by the sidelong glances & mustaches!

Tarz still doesn't remember who Jane is, but he's taking her to La's lair (or Lair's la) to find the jewels of Opar.

Uh-oh. Tarz is leaving her to look around. That's how she ended up in croco soup last chapter, jungle boy!

This is one vine-climbing monkey man, I'll say that! He's got arms like Popeye's!

He also has an amazing dentist!

They found La's lair--the temple of Opar! Only someone knocked it down. Tarz rubs his head...like he almost remembers.

Tarz is tossing the cardboard temple pillars aside like they were cardboard!

Jane stands there looking pretty, like she's done for 12 chapters.

It's a trap! La's waiting to lure Tarz in! She's got a new gold lame' ensemble.

The secret Jewel Room! They've found the treasure of Atlantis! Jane is pleased. But spooky shadows approach!

Tarz & Werper fight! It's close, even though Tarz's arms are the size of Werp's torso.

They fell in a pit! End of chapter! Oh my!

"La, High Priestess of Opar, who believes Tarzan to be her predestined mate" You told us that 4 hours ago.

La and guys with fuzzy hats are going to try to kill Jane before Tarz can get out of the pit.

Diggin' that jewelly cocoanut bra.

Tarz hit his head. Werper skedaddled w/the jewels, leaving monkey boy unconscious.

That noggin conk restored Tarz's memory. But deleted his memory of the amnesia time. So he's not aware Jane's in danger!

Tarz greets Werper as his old friend! He's forgotten Werp went bad!

Tarz is helping Werper get away (with the jewels), leaving Jane, who's about to find her insides on her outside.

Good thing for La this movie's silent or Tarz would hear her dance music from around the corner.

They start to sacrifice Jane, she screams, Tarz recognizes her scream & comes running, bunny slippers smoking!

He sees Jane & is so shocked he stands there & lets the fuzzy hats catch him, too! End of chapter!

Chapter 15, Tarzan's Rage (probably at being caught w/his loincloth down, the dope)

Nope. Jane promises to lead them to the jewels if they let them go free. La's all like, okay.

Let me get this straight--Jane leads 'em to the Jewel Room--where they ALL were 20 minutes ago! Hmmm.

Tarz to Jane: "Love is the greatest treasure the world will ever know." xoxo

So Chief Fuzzy Hat says "Seal up the treasure forever" ????

La lets Tarz & jane go. "But come back and see me sometime." Tarz says sure.

jane tells Tarz the truth about Werper. Tarz is so mad he climbs a rope & kitten yells!

The kitten yell tells the jungle beast pals to find Werper & eat him, apparently.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, English cousin has shown up and claimed estate of presumed dead Tarz.

Werper escaped the jungle pals & joins cousin, explaining that T&J are dead--FAIL!

This Tarz is closer to the books: an English lord, raised by apes, but articulate, rich, & worldly. Big African estate.

Werper tells cousin there are no jewels, but some fall out of his pocket. Oops. Bad-guy fight!

Werp & cuz fight, cuz spares Werp in exchange for help finding Jewel Room.

Tarz gets home, kitten-yells, Werper hides, cuz tells Tarz that HE (the cuz) is taking over the estate! End of chapter!

Last chapter!

Cousin Phil pulls a gun! Werper ties T&J up. They leave Tarz to rot & take pouty Jane to return to the Jewel Room.

Why they need Jane when Werper knows where the Jewel Room is? This is what's known as a plothole.

Tarz kitten-yelled and an elephant came & untied him. (!)

Werper got lost. A tiger chased Cousin Phil away and ate him!

And a lion ate Werper!

Tarz rode up on the elephant and found Jane safe!

Tarz found a bag of jewels in the middle of what used to be Cousin Phil--enough bling to save the ancestral home in England!

Tarz & Jane dress up for prom and prepare to head home to England.

Tarz swears never to pull a knife again. Except to peel an apple or somethin', probably.

Tarz kitten-yells to say goodbye to all his beastie pals, who all stop and look at the camera.


Can anybody tell me what that movie was about? I wasn't paying attention.

OK, time for bed, kiddies. Say your prayers. Night-night!

Many of Jim's followers on twitter agree, this is the best movie/serial we have never seen!!! A few may have complained that Jim was *SPAMMING* their timelines, but as Jim said "Block me now or forever hold your peace!"

I, for one, very much enjoyed every moment of this epic commentary!!! Saturday was the anniversary of my father's death, so I was much in need of cheering up. Thank you so much, Jim, for making this weekend more bearable for me. I truely don't know what I would have done without this huge dose of humor you have shared with so many of us. Until I get to meet you in Melbourne next May, much love to you, Jim, and I really, really hope we can all do this again another time. Big huggles, Puppy!

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Current Location: At my PC, duh!!!
Current Mood: bouncy bouncy
Current Music: Deceiver by Disturbed.

5 comments or Leave a comment
moondropz From: moondropz Date: December 8th, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oh man-this was so funny! He cracks me up! Thanks for this!
*Hugs* ;)
a_sick_puppy From: a_sick_puppy Date: December 9th, 2009 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)
yeah, like i said, the man is totally awesome!!! :-) he certainly cheered me up! hehehe, i knew it would be even better if it was all together! ;-)
moondropz From: moondropz Date: December 10th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC) (Link)
It looks better all in one I agree! :)))
From: the_dean_team Date: December 9th, 2009 07:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for putting all this together, I saw bits & pieces but didn't have time to read them all.

*padahugsackles* to you (my new word for a Padalecki & Ackles hug sandwich LOL)
a_sick_puppy From: a_sick_puppy Date: December 9th, 2009 09:13 am (UTC) (Link)
i was having a really craptastic weekend, so i was glad to see this and followed it all the way through. even managed to throw a few comments back at jim.

ooooooohhhh, i like the sound of that!!! :-)
5 comments or Leave a comment